What is it?

A female at work offered up the theory that women are more apt to internalize their struggle, whereas men tend to strike out. My term is impotent rage, and as we see, it’s becoming more and more of a problem. 

I have always believed that if people want to own guns legally, they should. Consenting adults should be able to do whatever they wish as long as they don’t hurt anyone. And I don’t really, in my heart of hearts think that more guns equal more senseless crime. Just more…efficient crime. 

I think that we are more apt to cave in to the fear. I, an “older man”, feel the fear well up sometimes if i’m exposed to too many commercials poking gently at my deepest fears. Impotence. Cancer. Retirement. Jon Bon Jovi. Look at the ubiquitous nature of those inescapable insurance ads. There’s Flo. But there’s also a subtle subtext. Fear. You’re gonna get sick. You’re gonna get hurt. You better get ready, fucker, for the judgement day. It’s coming, fatty. Take your pills. I dutifully do. And I’m not the smartest man, but I’m sophisticated enough to know when I’m being manipulated. I don’t cave in too much. Moreover, my feminine side takes over. I internalize my fear. But I also have the added advantage of already having procreated, married, domesticated. Sullen but safe. And I think that these kids, these boys, probably don’t have the perspective or the outlet they need. 

That last fella saw therapists and he fooled them. His parents knew he had problems but all the love in the world didn’t stop him. I don’t think he was lonely. I think he was afraid. I think something inside wouldn’t take another minute of uncertainty. When i was a kid i prayed to the stars that I would find someone, anyone, some girl to hold me and kiss me and love me. I remember those nights. So what kept me from getting a gun and shooting people’s faces off? Who knows? But i don’t think guns are the problem. 

In my limited understanding of the female, they seem to internalize these insecurities, punishing themselves for perceived inadequacies. My friend at work told me that this is what women do. And that’s why there aren’t many girls shooting up classrooms and shit. 

I’m not blaming TV, It’s a combination of things, including mental disease. But  don’t think the constant bombardment of young psyches via impossible images of what they think they should be can be ignored in this equation. Every new TV show features groups of thin, attractive, well-groomed characters staring dolefully into the camera. Only comedy can accommodate we fatties. Only Mike and/or Molly feel our pain. And it’s constant. And it’s unrelenting. Online. On TV. In music videos and shit.


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