Sometimes, they call him “the gazer…”

1. Someone posted this on our neighborhood Facebook page and I cannot stop…staring at it. braco
Braco looks so sad. Please help Braco. When it says that only adults 18 or older may gaze with Braco, it might mean that the restraining order will not be lifted, as a free “performance” will not generate the legal fees necessary to initiate such a process.

Otherwise, Braco charges $8 for a 10-minute session of him staring at you. I believe that this might supplant music as my new hobby. What’s the difference between this dude and some slithery German gawking at you from a park bench? Next time someone at the coffee shop catches me gawking (and oh, I do gawk), I’ll just write up a quick bill for $8 and present them with it, YOU’RE WELCOME. Here’s his website, but don’t get caught staring. He’ll charge ya.

2. As if to recreate that romantic scene in Schindler’s List where that little boy plays in the toilet, there’s been a relative spate of dudes getting caught practicing the fecephilial arts. I cannot figure out the ergonomic feng shui of such a peccadillo, much less the planning and the internal dialog that must take place. Which part is arousing to them? a. Getting shit upon? b. The risk? c. The taboo? d. The contortions? e. The sounds? f. The sights? g. The preparation? h……

In June 2011, police arrested Luke Chrisco at a yoga festival in Boulder, Colorado after a woman reported seeing something moving in her portable toilet’s tank; that “something” turned out to be Chrisco, who emerged from the tank covered in feces and promptly ran away….

OR:

In July, Kenneth Enlow was arrested after he was caught spying on a mother and a daughter from inside a public restroom’s septic tank in Sand Springs, Oklahoma. Last Thursday, the 54-year-old pleaded guilty to amisdemeanor charge of peeping Tom and was sentenced to one year in jail plus a $5,000 fine.

OR:

A Brooksville man is facing domestic battery charges after police say he smeared feces on his girlfriend during a fight.

I hope these women recover but I fear this experience might have wrecked ’em. Next time, just scat! Tell this dude I sent ya. 

 

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