White Men Rule The World!

Football season just reminds me that during game time commercials, men are almost universally portrayed as bumbling, borderline retarded alcoholics who would do ANYTHING to ANYONE for a beer, cannot read two simple fucking stripes on a beer bottle (One says “cold”, and one says “super cold” – which ad agency savant thought of this?) and will wear dumb costumes to get a free chimichanga or a bigger TV or a better insurance policy while their universally hot wives silently endure their foolishness, knowing the truth about the inevitable outcome of the little scene playing out before her all the while, but still staying by her man. Is there any question? The blindingly hot bartendress eavesdrops on a conversation about some dudes pining about their dude friend being late to their meetup, so she flips a switch and the fellow who controls the electrical grid for the entire town dumps coffee or tea or his own urine onto the control board, plunging the entire town (save the bar in question) into darkness. And the dude shows up. Yeah. Hope there aren’t any hospitals in town. Cause men love to fucking drink. Women sorta stand by looking hot and making fun of dudes who specifically ask for a beer with no taste, while the waitress says something like W”ell, when you’re ready to stop wearing your daughter’s panties on your head, let me know….” and of course he’s wearing his daughter’s panties on his head at that moment. Which is what all men who don’t know which lite beer to order do. How do they know they want a lite beer in the first place? Are they from another country where beer doesn’t exist? Are they Mormons?

Of course all this is permitted in our society because white men are the only thing in the world people are allowed to mock openly. If we as a race weren’t so good-natured, we’d bring the fucking hammer down. Don’t test us. In beer commercials black people can be DJ’s spinning tunes on a NYC roof, bystanders, friends of friends. Designated drivers. You don’t think ALL black people drink, do you? Have you ever seen an openly Hispanic man or woman as the main character in a commercial for booze? Or a bumbling husband at a WalMart or talking to Flo the insurance nymph?

In summary, let me say I hate the Patriots.



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