Since the world is going to end tomorrow….

I better confess now while I’m still relatively fire-of-hell free.

1. All the stuff people accused me of doing on back in the day, every single thing…I did. And enjoyed it.

2. I bought George Michaels’ second solo album, “Listen Without Prejudice, Vol. 1” on cassette the day it came out.

3. I once stole a container of cardamom from a grocery store.

4. Our first computer was a Packard Bell. We got it in 1995. One of the first links I clicked took over my computer and kept showing a lady blowing a goat. I couldn’t stop it until I unplugged the thing.

5. I watch ELO videos on YouTube.

6. I would choose meatloaf as my last meal.

7. I engage in vanity Google-ing every week or so.

8. When one of my sister’s friends called to talk to her back in West Seneca, I answered the phone. She was not home. I talked to her friend for a while. He told me a joke. “What’s grey and comes in quarts?” “I don’t know. What’s grey and comes in quarts?” “An elephant.” I was about 14, and I must have laughed for an hour.

9. I sincerely believe that I’m a sociopath. I have no concept of how it is that people see me. My perceptions are ultimately wildly inaccurate. Even though I know I’m fat, I don’t SEE myself as fat, and sometimes that sabotages my weight loss efforts before they begin.

10. I feel totally justified in telling my kids that the live-action TV shows they watch are always scripted so that at least one of the characters will tell a lie. Every episode. Watch the Disney shows some time. Some of them are harmless, but they are all based on the fundamental dishonesty and manipulative tendencies of one or more characters.

11. Children in Russia take music lessons every week, every day. We let our kids watch American Idol. It’s a way of nurturing dreams but also lowering the depth and breadth of those dreams. Everything is more shallow now.

12. Even though I advocate for the legalization of all drugs, I haven’t touched the stuff in 20 years.

13. Rick Angle and I threw a garbage can down the stairwell at Erie Community College City Campus. It was us.


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