An object lesson in how far human kicks can go…

Help me understand this.

So they put the worst people available, the most laughable and (presumably) least self-aware on the first few weeks of the show that will not be named except in the tags of this post in a cynical attempt to further my readership. Ok. I get that. So inform me of the process. The worst and the best audition all over the country for a series of judges. Local? Right? Or does everyone who thinks they have a chance travel to Los Angeles or wherever where they get an audience with JLo? I think that line of people would be unmanageable beyond anyone’s patience. I look at the commercials and they show literally thousands upon thousands of people queuing up for their chance. Does Steven Tyler really sit through thousands of auditions, good and bad? If so, what possible method would he use to judge all those people on a fair scale? As horrible as some might be, the hell would be the people in between the great and the horrible…the monotony.

So I, in my innocence, assume that this is not the case. I assume that people all over the country are marched into various venues where they are pre-screened by various industry “professionals”. Then the best of the best are sent off to the next step. But what of the worst? If they are pre-screened as being laughably entertaining, how do they endure the process that follows without being at least slightly aware of their own inferiority in contrast to other auditions? I saw a promo wherein some of the less gifted singers are indignant in their insistence that they belong among the upper echelon. Threatening violence in some cases. Heh heh.

I believe in my heart that people have begun to game the system by adopting the rudest, most comical affectations in the hope of cashing in. And that, if true, begs the question: Why do people watch this stuff if it’s all just a means by which, in any event, people become famous and nothing else? Fame is the end result, not craft or skill. That would be dull. The only evidence you need is the strange shilling of certain formerly distinguished and revered singers, whoring out their own catalog for the sake of a little TV time. To these eyes, the show is one long concession speech to mediocrity and gullibility. We give up.

Let me make this clear: I can’t blame the show. I blame the people who follow it. The people who talk about it and become immersed in it. You’re sheep. You’re just a wallet to them. Maybe you’re a wallet to every other TV show out there, but to me, watching the show is tantamount to watching professional wrestling and taking the results seriously. Only now, instead of a playground argument about Hulk Hogan versus Sgt. Slaughter, it’s now a water-cooler discussion.

I believe Lady Gaga, “How I Met Your Mother”, Tom Cruise, The Black Eyed Peas, MTV, “Hawaii 5-O”, Fox News, Taco Bell’s meat, Hip-Hop music in general circa 2011, Wake County, North Carolina, Acer Computers, the bathroom tissue (and then soap) I just used, reality TV (except the ones with fat people, and “Hoarders”), John Boehner and Eric Cantor, DADT, the inability to rise above that old neo-European undercurrent of racism, and Arcade Fire are clear indicators that we, as a society, have ceded control to the bland. The mediocre.

On the other hand, Stephen Colbert and Dave Chappelle are two entertainers I deem utterly brilliant. Since I’m unemployed, I get to watch them every AM.

Spare Ass Annie is a series of William S Burroughs recitations backed by The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy. As ever, as always (well, a good 80% of the time) Dan Lewis of Plattsburgh, NY was way ahead of me on this, and I had not thought of it until I sat here trying to think of something that transcends the mundane in every sense.

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