Damn this enormous head of mine.

Every time I see a hat I like online or in person, I think “Boy, I’d sure like to be a guy who looks good in a hat…if only my head weren’t so big.” Then I slither back to my reality. The reality of a non-hat-wearing guy.

I don’t like the Indiana Jones hat. I cannot keep track of my ballcaps. My wife bought me one of those conventional felt caps that some of the hep cats wear backwards. But it just doesn’t cover my great big melon. I look like a guy with a black toilet seat on his head.

This is Antonio Martinez.

Antonio in a pakol. Looking good!

See, I’d buy one online (or you know, you could. Just look up “Pakol” on the Amazon Page. I give and give.) but I’m afraid my head would stretch it beyond recognition. Here’s my personal hero, Andy Partridge of XTC wearing one.

Andy's head: Normal size.

Look at that! An Englishman can look good in such a thing. I wish I were as good looking as my pal Andy.

I have one request. Will someone send me a pakol? God, my head is so big. No luck at the thrift store. Never ever is a good fit to be found at WalMart or Target or whatever. Surely they must make hats that look good on a big-headed man like myself. DAMN THIS HUGE HEAD!!!

I feel a sense of dread this morning. Something really bad is gonna happen. I hope I’m wrong.

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