State of the Goat Address

photo by Danni G.


The state of the goatee or “goat” can only be termed “poor”. Gray, droopy, unkempt.

Today, the goat was not washed, and it’s been a long time since it was colored appropriately. Various lengths, colors, and directions. It’s inappropriate for such a public assertion of fashion to be so neglected, but there you have it. When a simple comb-through or a cursory visit to the scrub-sink would address these problems, one wonders what the owner of such a terrible goat could be thinking.

The effect is that of a transient in a cubicle. How did this hobo get into the office? Why is the bum helping himself to the company’s coffee? What in god’s name is he typing into our computer? Is he setting off a bomb of some kind? Or is he merely tired and cold?

Friends, this must be addressed in a fast, efficient manner if this goat is to be allowed to continue growing on the fat, fat face.

I call on society to bring these issues into the light, to shame the benefactor of this once-tight goat into some sort of maintenance plan, benefitting us all as we are forced to look at this great mass of unkempt facial hair.


Thank you, god bless you, and god bless amurca.



One thought on “State of the Goat Address

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